Arguably one of the most demanding tasks in wedding planning is assigning the various roles of the day to one’s nearest and dearest. Bridesmaids, groomsmen, the maid of honour and the best man all play a significant part in the festivities, but amongst friends and family the choice is not always straightforward. Deciding who will do which jobs before, during and after the ceremony can be difficult for positive reasons (there might be a large number of people in your life whom you’d love to all be your bridesmaids) or it might be difficult to choose on grounds that are harder to justify: sometimes, the ones we love the most are not best suited to the tasks you’d like them to undertake.
It’s very easy to say you’d like your childhood best friend to be your best man, your little niece to be your flower girl and your father to give a speech. But how much does it complicate things when you remember that your best friend’s lack of organisational skills have landed you in trouble more than once, your niece is too young to really understand what she’s supposed to do, and your dad has a debilitating fear of public speaking? The strongest thread running through your choices is the fact that, as the couple to be wed, you shouldn’t have to explain yourselves: the day is a celebration of two people sharing their love, the presence of others is their privilege, not their God-given right, and your guests should respect your choices. It’s not always as easy as this, though: family and long-term friends will want to be involved in the event, not for their own personal glory but for the sense of loyalty and love they feel towards you.
For the most part, those whom you trust to fulfill a specific role in your wedding will understand that they have been granted a privilege, and will go beyond their usual threshold to make sure they do it well. If you’re still worried, many of your concerns can be assuaged by a little damage control. Afraid your bachelor party will end with seventeen intoxicated men roaming an unfamiliar city with nowhere to stay if you leave the planning to the best man? Gently suggest he goes through a bespoke planning service, such as the Stag and Hen Experience, and uses Doodle to check your guests’ availability first. Worried your little niece will have a tantrum whilst walking down the aisle? Encourage a parent to accompany her (the chorus of ‘aww’s will be worth it), and don’t forget to compliment her ‘princess dress’ beforehand. If you’d like a loved one to take on a responsibility in which you know they’d be uncomfortable, such as the speeches, be sensitive: offer them the role and suggest an option to make it easier for them (a slide presentation full of pictures involves far less improvised public speaking than a full speech, for example), but take care to let them know that they’re under no obligation to do it if they feel they can’t. Above all, keep a backup plan in mind: the laws of the universe dictate that if you have one, you won’t need it.
Photo courtesy of weddings.dennisdrenner.com.
