Hollywood romantic-comedy movies taught us that marriage is a grand gesture that signifies true love and commitment to one another. If you truly love someone, there’s nothing else left to do but get married. This leads to dreamy adventures of finding the perfect blue sapphire engagement ring, getting down on one knee, asking the big question, and then celebrating the occasion with loved ones.
There’s nothing wrong with this kind of setup. However, this overly-romantic concept often masks the reality of marriage. Sometimes, the excitement of getting married shrouds underlying problems that relationships commonly suffer from. According to the executive director of the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement, couples tend to deal with pre-marital issues after they get married. As a result, partners tend to overlook these issues until they become unbearable. These then become the main cause of broken marriages and failed relationships.
For this reason, it’s important to have a meaningful conversation with your partner about marriage before getting engaged. This helps both of you address issues and agree on various things that will concern your married life. If you’re planning on having this kind of talk soon, here are some good points that you can raise during the discussion:
1. Money
Financial issues are easily overlooked before marriage since these are personal matters that are individually settled by both parties. However, this changes after getting married, as assets and debts are shared by the couple. Consequently, this also paves way for arguments and fights about money.
According to a study published in the Family Relationships journal, financial conflicts often lead to divorce. Thus, it’s important to at least talk about these kinds of issues before settling down with your beloved. This way, you can enter some sort of agreement on how you can deal with financial responsibilities once you’re married.
2. Children
Individuals have varying opinions about having children after marriage. While most couples get married to start a family, there are also others who want to take their relationship to the next level without parental responsibilities. That being said, it’s best to clear things up with your partner before getting married. Do you want to have children? If yes, how many? When do you want to have them? Are you ready for the responsibility of raising children? These are just some of the questions that need answering, so it’s best to openly discuss your future plans for your family with your partner.
3. Conflict Resolution
No relationship is perfect; conflicts and disagreements inevitably arise before and after marriage. Because it’s natural for couples to argue, it’s best to have an honest talk about what you both dislike about each other. However, talk about these with an aim to resolve them, not use them to undervalue yourpartner. And while you’re at it, it will be healthy to come up with good ways to resolve future fights, conflicts, and arguments as well.
4. Household Chores
Believe it or not, many married couples tend to bicker about the division of household labour. While this might seem to be a petty thing, not coordinating with your partner about who does what and when can lead to heated arguments in the future. This is why it’s important to establish house rules before getting married. This way, you know what your responsibilities are and what your partner expects you to do at home.
5. Relationship Expectations
Thanks to romantic movies, a lot of couples are under the illusion that things will eventually work out in the end if they love each other. While it’s not wrong to be an optimist and a romantic, it can be helpful to at least be open about what you expect from your partner. This can prevent the formation of unrealistic marriage standards and help reduce arguments anddisappointments.
Admittedly, it’s not that easy to raise these points in a conversation, but if you feel that your partner is the one, then there’s no need to fear or hold back. In fact, having a serious and honest conversation about these things might just urge you and your partner to take your relationship to the next level.
